9 hilariously terrible date stories

When we think of Valentine’s Day, we think of love, roses, hearts, flirting and dating of course! If you’re lucky, your date turns out great but sometimes Cupid misses his shot and things don’t go as planned. A little while ago we asked you to share your funniest flirt & date stories. Oh, how we enjoyed reading all of them! Here is a selection of these hilariously terrible date stories. And since I’m a single lady myself, I included my own story too. Enjoy!

 

Hangover in progress 

“Went on a coffee date with a guy I had met while drunk at the student bar. We had chatted a bit, but this was the first time really meeting him since that evening. I had just got a new pair of glasses, so I had a massive headache going plus I could for the life of me not remember what the guy looked like. Those were still the early days of  smartphones so finding someone on Facebook wasn't as easy as it is today. Well, we still went on our date. Me with my headache, him with his most massive hangover to date. We have been together for 11 years now.” 
Johanna Stenbacka 

Shattered confidence 

"On my first date in 2011, I went to the fair and my date and I went through a glass maze together. I thought I saw the exit and ran out. Unfortunately, it turned out it wasn't the exit and I crashed hard into a glass wall.... Here I was: red-faced with a swelling on my forehead and my confidence shattered.”
Ingrid van de Wetering

Tongue piercing and a documentary on insects

“Thought it was a dinner date. Turns out he just needed me to hold his hand, while he got a tongue piercing. Afterwards he took me to the cinema, to watch a documentary about insects. By the time the documentary had finished, his tongue was so swollen he couldn’t even speak. But we did get married and had four children.”
@hverdag

No more dates without my glasses

“Out of vanity, I decided not to wear my glasses on a first date. I’m near-sighted, so it’s only objects and people far away that look blurry. When I arrived at the cafe, I was looking around, standing there and waiting. And then a guy walks up to me and says 'Didn't you see me? I've been waving at you frantically'. He had seen me from a distance and tried to make eye contact and here I was just looking at my blurry surroundings. I was super ashamed. Now I always wear my glasses on a first date.” 
@kari_with_her_sunhat 

A real rollercoaster 

“We went to a trampoline park because he said that doing something active would stimulate positive memories. I ended up all sweaty and I even ate part of his dinner because I was starving. I wasn’t charming at all. Then when he took me home, he tried to kiss me. I was completely shook and that's when I realised, we were actually on a date.”
@ingechocolate 

Up in flames

"It was my first date with a guy that I liked, and we were in a bar with dim lights and pretty candles on the tables. I had spent almost an hour on the perfect blow-dry and looked beautiful in a floral dress. We were having a great time and I was twirling my hair in an attempt to seduce him, but as I leant forward a lock of hair touched the flame of one the candles. I ended up with a lock of hair that was completely burnt. He laughed for 30 minutes, the whole place smelled like a roasted pig and my blow-dry was ruined. We did end up dating for a little while despite my missing lock of hair, but not for very long.” 
Jennifer Mouard 

Totally lost

“Long ago, before everyone had smartphones, I met a guy that I really liked. To get to know each other better, we decided to meet up for dinner at the Greek restaurant next to my flat. I had lived there for a few years and knew exactly how to describe the short route my date had to take to get from the tube station to the restaurant. So, when he called me that he had arrived at my stop, I gave him directions and expected him to be at the restaurant within 5 minutes. I sat at the table, waiting for him. I waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...for about 90 minutes. No typo… 90!
When he finally showed up I asked him what took him so long. I could tell he was totally embarrassed when he told me that I had been right all along. Right about what, I asked. His reply: ”About the directions you gave me!” I asked him what he meant and he said: “Well, you're a woman, and since women always get everything wrong, I of course decided to walk in the opposite direction of what you told me! That was the last time we met up.”
Lily W 

A particularly beautiful date

““After what had been a long time, I reconnected with Gaston, a former classmate. We decided to meet up and go for a walk through a nature reserve close to where I live. He picked me up at home and he was very excited, maybe a little too excited, but as we were walking things got weirder and weirder. He stopped at every bush, flower, tree and stone and said things like 'wow.... isn’t this beautiful.' 'Wow, look how stunning this is!’ It almost seemed like he had taken some kind of hallucinogenic drugs. Because he just kept stopping and staring at each and every thing, it was taking forever for us to get back and I was getting really impatient. In fact, it got so bad that I enlisted  the help of a friend and asked her to call me with an emergency. Something I would normally NEVER do, but I thought I would never get away. I hurriedly tried to get him to come with me, since I had to get to my friend quickly but even that didn’t work. In the end, I just tried to say goodbye, but unfortunately he couldn’t remember where he had parked his car so I even ended up taking him to his car. We haven’t been in touch since!”
Gertie 

My own terrible date story

“I was working at a pub and during the Carnival celebrations I met a guy who had been hired as a performer for the evening. Since I was working behind the bar and things were very hectic, we didn’t really get a chance to talk. But we connected on Facebook and pretty soon after we met up for drinks. He wasn’t the kind of guy I would normally go for, but after a number of disappointing dates with guys who were my type, I decided to just go for it. After all, you never know! The whole date was very awkward and I realised pretty quickly that we weren’t a match. The jumbo cocktails that I kept ordering enabled me to have long conversations about his two passions: playing the accordion and the national railways. I can’t even remember talking about any of my interests or hobbies.  

On our way back to the car, we ordered a Turkish pizza which I tore in half with my hands while sitting in his spotless car. I offered him some pizza and we pulled over so he could take a bite. It was the middle of the night, on a normal weekday and then his ex called. Not just once, but five times. His phone was actually connected to the car stereo because we were listening to music, making the phone calls impossible to ignore. So we sat eating our pizza in silence until she stopped calling. The whole thing was extremely awkward and uncomfortable and I think it goes without saying that this was our first and only date.”
Jessica 

Winners of a €50 gift card

Is your story one of the stories we picked? Thank you for sharing! You have won a €50 gift card. 
Do you have a fun story of your own? Then share it with us in the comments below!